I am sick. The kind of sick where I’m technically capable of functioning, but I just want to lie down and never move again because I’m that tired.
So I’ve embraced my un-functioning and ignored the list of Things To Do. And I’ve done near nothing. For over a week now. (Today’s big accomplishment was making it to the pharmacy. That’s the kind of week it’s been.)
But of course, people are noticing all those Things I’m not Doing. And while I’ve miraculously managed to resign myself to not Doing Things, I still feel this crushing sense of irresponsibility whenever I know my not Doing Things is noticed by someone else, or might possibly be causing them some kind of minor inconvenience or disappointment. My brain does not perceive these things to be minor. Suddenly not only am I failing to Do Things, I am also Letting People Down.
This is crap. I am not Letting People Down. No one will die if I don’t Do these minor Things. Maybe these people will decide I am unreliable. Yet still, no one will die. Life will move on. I am allowed to be sick. I am also allowed to be irresponsible. Other people are allowed to think whatever they want of me. None of it changes the fact that I am still sick, and the idea of forcing myself through the To Do list makes me want to cry from sheer exhaustion.
So shut up, brain.
