I generally consider myself a responsible person. I pay my taxes. I keep track of my finances. I stick to a budget. I generally fulfill my commitments. I examine the consequences of my attitudes and actions. When I say I’m going to do something, I am reasonably confident that I am responsible enough to actually follow through.
But sometimes the IDEA of all that responsibility circles around and scares me to death.
Just a few years ago my only responsibility was to financially support myself. There were also responsibilities of religious significance, including serving in volunteer positions at church, and in a less formal way, being a decent human being and take care of other people (which is a privilege, really, but also a responsibility).
Sometimes it feels like progressing in life always means taking on new responsibility.
Now I am responsible to my husband, to fulfill the promises I made to him when I married him.
I’m responsible for making sure our bills are paid on time and in full and with money we currently have in the bank. (And there are more of them. Like health insurance.)
Owning a business means I am responsible to practice accurate financial reporting and fulfill our financial obligations to the government. (That one is especially important to me, as I have many friends who have at one time or another needed government assistance–hell, I went to school on a federal loan–so I feel it an acute responsibility, even a privilege, to make sure I’m paying my contribution to make those things possible.)
Owning the painting studio also means we have responsibility to make sure our customers’ orders are filled accurately and on time and in a way that makes them happy to be doing business with us.
I have some limited contractual responsibility with other people’s intellectual properties.
I handle all those things just fine, miraculously. I am flakier than I’d like to be in my personal life (because of my desire to see everybody, I sometimes overbook on fun things and attendance becomes sporadic) but generally I think it works out okay.
So I have no reason to believe that I won’t be able to handle writing under contract, or making house payments. These responsibilities are really just variations of things I’m already doing. Logically, I know it’ll be fine.
But there’s this tiny part of me saying: more responsibility? Really? Do I have to?
Yes, fearful part of Janci, you have to. In no small part because the rest of you actually wants to.
Welcome to your life. It’s a good one. I promise.
